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Vader maakt moeder ongerust met hilarische foto’s

Hilarisch
Simon heeft bijna 230.000 volgers en hij plaatst hilarische (en eerlijke) foto’s van het opvoeden van zijn kinderen. Eén van zijn foto’s ging hartstikke viral – eentje waarop hij boodschappen ging doen.

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Another monday, another last minute rush to the shops to avoid the armageddon I.e running out of nappies, wipes & baby crack (milk) for the addicts. I basically live in this aisle of the supermarket now. New parents seem to gravitate to me as an "experienced parent" (i.e. the tired looking guy shivering in the corner) and ask "do you know where so and so is please?" My reponse – "Sure 3rd shelf, half way down on the left hand side, buy 3 & get a discount,although you want to use that in combination with blah blah blah." I'm like a walking encyclopaedia of baby product info. I used to use my brain to solve global corporate wide problems. I now use it to calculate bulk buy discounts. #ishouldgetanamebadge #bogofking #iliveherenojoke #dadbrain #lifeinthefastlane #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 7, 2016 at 12:45pm PST

Baantje
Simon is niet alleen een vader, hij houdt er ook nog een aantal ‘baantjes’ op na. Hij is naar eigen zeggen handig, taxi-chauffeur, zwemleraar, hij geeft bijles, is kok, bank, personal shopper, personal assistent en een menselijk klimrek. ‘T is wat, dat vader zijn. Zijn vrouw is trouwens ook op Instagram te volgen.

Eerlijk
Simon over zijn account: “Mijn account is een realistische kijk op het ouderschap”, zo vertelt hij aan Huffington Post. “Ik wilde laten zien hoe het écht is om vader te zijn, met een beetje humor.” Hij wil dat andere ouders zich kunnen herkennen in zijn foto’s en dat ze weten dat ze niet alleen zijn. Nou eh, dat kunnen we zéker:

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Someone call crime watch! I took this picture of a guy getting mugged in broad day light today. The 2 confidence tricksters are known in the local area and ply their trade by pretending to love their victims and then, when their guard is down, scratching their faces to pieces, pulling their hair and dribbling on them until they are given milk or rice cakes. The suspects are described as looking exactly the same, to the degree that their father cant tell them apart. They are around 2.5 ft tall, talk with a strange accent and are incredibly cute. Some previous victims had said they smell like a childrens play centre toilets but that has yet to be confirmed. #muggedbybabies #twins #parentinginjuries #thelmaandlouiseinthemaking #callcrimewatch #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 6, 2016 at 1:17pm PDT

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The curse of being called Simon when at a children's birthday party – I am immediately rolled out for the obligatory game of 'Simon says'. Of course I take it easy to start with and filter out those that can't keep up. After separating the wheat from the chaff, we get to the hard core pros who know their stuff. I finally kill them all off with the old stand on one leg, close one eye and stick out your tongue. The remaining kids think I'm taking it too seriously, get bored and run off leaving me looking like a proper tool. I might have taken competitive dadding too far- they're only 6 after all, oh well. #competitivedad #ifyouplaywithmeweplayforreal #playhard #happybirthday #simonsays #happysunday #fatherofdaughters #instadad #parenting #kidsparty #dadlife

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on Sep 18, 2016 at 1:07pm PDT

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Is it only me or do all men learn to sleep on an 8 inch strip at the edge of the bed? Irrespective of the size of the bed, or how many people are in it, I always find myself relegated to the 'man zone'. I've become so used to sleeping on this limited area of bed real estate, that I'm confident that I could sleep on top of a wall & not fall off. On the other side of the bed (the promised land), @mother_of_daughters sleeps like a star fish all night long, kneeing me in the back and generally complains about me coming to bed too late, being too cold or my foot encroaching onto her territory. At least the bed's nice and warm, even if the reception isn't sometimes! I hope that next Sunday, on #NationalLieInDay, I'll not only gain another hour in bed, but more space – but it's doubtful ! If you want to regain that hour (and some space for that matter) click in the link in my bio, loads of great prizes to be won @SimbaSleep #bedrealestate #livingontheedge #girls #twins #daughters #therestoomanygirls #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #gopro

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 23, 2016 at 12:00pm PDT

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Clemmie gave me a pretty simple job this evening – "go pack the baby bag" (we're going away for a night). A plan developed in my head (why can't I take anything seriously?!) I called her in – "well you said pack the baby bag!!", expecting a laugh. She didn't. I then suggested cutting holes in the bottom for their legs to hang out like those dog carriers but @mother_of_daughters was already less than pleased that i'd used her prized leather @kerikitbags for lols, so with my tail between my legs, I repacked. A shed load of nappies, baby crack (milk powder), toys they won't play with & a monitor – There was still enough room for half my family in there! #bottomlessbabybag #mobiletwins #howmuchstuffdobabiesneed #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 28, 2016 at 12:09pm PDT

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Reading at bed time can be a pain in the ass, especially when you've got 'important' adult things to do, but that's no excuse to not to do funny voices for the characters in the story. But what if you didn't do them? They may lose interest and decide books are boring. They may not read much as they grow up, leaving them intellectually and culturally stunted. They might jack in school and start hanging with the wrong crowd. They may end up in a dead-end job they hate and drink too much. They may get evicted from their 1 bed squat and end up living under a bridge, sniffing stolen marker pens with a guy called crazy bob who eats pigeons. For the love of the children, DO THE VOICES! #thiscoulddefinitelyhappen #toofarperhaps #bedtime #thebfgisdefinitelyfromthewestcountry #timetopullonmyaleveldramaskills #likeanaudiobookbutlive #thinkofthekids #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on Sep 12, 2016 at 12:37pm PDT

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The wonders of modern technology. Why, oh why did I give my eldest an ipod touch? Yes, its great to stay in contact while im away but my inbox is now full of emoji based spam from my bored daughter. (The emoji poo is a firm favourite). Today while in meetings, I convinced her that because I'm 8 hours ahead of her (I.e. in the future), I could send her the lottery numbers and shes guarenteed to win as i already know the winning ones. Took her a while to figure out that wasn't actually the case, made me laugh though! FYI Yes I look shattered but I've been travelling for 22 hours so what do you expect!! #wecouldhavewonthelottery #remoteparenting #kidsandtechnology #whyalwaystheemojipoo #emojispam #workingaway #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on Sep 27, 2016 at 8:40am PDT